170.8

Slowly going down. I got this.

171.2 -Funny Thing about Stress

It makes you see the world in a different light.

So yesterday, Rachel was not answering my texts, and Rob did not call me to say goodnight. Today, I learned that Rachel's phone is broken, and Rob called me, but it did not ring on my side... but you can image how I felt last night.

I have been eating an apple a day since I started this round. My first bag of apples was awesome! I really don't like apples usually, but that bag of apples was freaking delicious. I ran out and got a new bag last night. The new bag sucks. It reminds me why I don't like apples. Also, strawberries suck in the winter, but even winter strawberries are better than less that awesome apples.

I think that's probably how Rob feels about mangoes. He's practically obsessed with them. Every time we go to a market, he gets 2 or 3. He tries them each, almost always deciding they are crap and throwing them away. I couldn't understand why he kept buying them. It makes sense now: because once in a blue moon, you get an apple that is freaking delicious, and it makes the hunt worth it. Personally, I still have never found a mango that I thought was good. His taste buds may just be jacked up.

I'm doing something a little dangerous when I get off work this morning. I am going to IHOP to eat a fake egg omelette. They have these "Fit-Veggie Omelettes" that have like 200 calories. They're made with fake eggs, spinach, tomatoes, and mushrooms. They're very filling. I've had them before on the diet, and I'm pretty sure they are hCG approved. I don't think they've caused problems in the past. I'll let you know. Seriously though- I have not drank a Diet Coke. I have not eaten any eggs so far (fake or real). I have not eaten cottage cheese. I have not put milk in my coffee (I have not drank coffee).

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have that big stupid Financial Resources exam (which my professor did not prepare us for, but I think/hope I prepared myself for). After the test, I have to take my car to Hyundai, because I bought it in February, and it's making a horrible clicky noise (which Daddy says is no bueno). Then I have to go to a counselor (which my gyno says it will make my life easier).

A couple of notes: I started this round of hCG on 11/25 and planned to stop on 12/25. I am supposed to eat NO starch/sugar for 2 weeks after I stop. It's Christmas. Do we see how this is going? I'm going to stop on the 22, and give myself 3 days (22,23,24) of NO starch/sugar. On Christmas, I will be very careful about it, but I'm not pretending that I won't have a small slice of pie. After Christmas, I will go back to no starch/sugar until New Year's Eve- when it probably won't matter because I'll puke it all up anyway. That is 16 more days of this diet... which is at least 10 more lbs that I can expect to lose. Goal for Christmas- no rolls. One roll means >6 rolls in my world. No freaking rolls.

hCG- the one thing I have complete control over in my life. It gave me control of my weight, my health, and my future. I can't tell you how relieved that makes me- even now, when I'm still 30 lbs away from being healthy.

172.2

UUUUUGHHHH

That's about all I can muster up for this post. I have a test on Wednesday, a final on Monday, and another final next Wednesday. Kinda stressed. I have not cheated. I have done everything I should be doing.

AND Rob did not call me to tell me goodnight... he always calls to tell me goodnight.

172.0

It's funny how the ups and downs can get to you. I can lose 2 lbs one day, then .5 the next, and I'll still be a little sad about the .5, because I expected a whole pound.

I've noticed that I had a couple of rounds that were a bust. I am just now close to the weight I was at when I finished the last round. That's kind of sad, but again, we do not focus on fall backs. I am expecting to do one more round after this one to get to 140 lbs. There was a time when I would just dream that I could get there on this one. I may get as close as I can, but I cannot realistically expect to lose 32 lbs in 22 days. I'm not comfortable expecting 22 lbs in 22 days anymore. I'll hope for the best, and expect to get down to 162 or so. I think the last round was a bust because I didn't observe my "no starch, no sugar" rule. I used to hold my ending weight much better when I did that.

I went back through and read my complete blog. That's always exciting, and it almost always makes me cry. One of the things that stuck out was, "It seems like forever, but one day it will seem like forever ago." That comment seems like forever ago, along with the weight that accompanied it. One day, today, 172 lbs, will seem like forever ago.

I was at my brother's house the other day for the boys' birthday party. They had made deer chili for dinner, and everyone ate some before they all had cake. I did not eat any of either, and my grandma asked me why I was still dieting. I tried to explain that I am still overweight, and by most charts, I am still obese.

My legs still touch when I walk.
My belly flab still hangs down, and I still have 2 rolls when I sit.
My bum still goes halfway up my back.
I still have a fat 'roll' on my thigh above my knee that makes it weird to wear shorts. (If you have one, you know what I'm talking about.)

All of these things point to unhealthy. I could be the healthiest person in my family and still be incredibly unhealthy. I didn't point all of these things out during that conversation. I tend to get offensive when people start talking like that. I want to lose weight. I have no idea why people would want to discourage that.

Another thing: People still seem to think that you can go walk for 30 minutes a day and lose weight. If it's that easy, why haven't any of them done it. I am very disinclined to take advice about losing weight from people who aren't at a healthy weight. I love my family, but really? Can't anyone just say, congratulations? Or good luck? I've been doing this for this long, and haven't wound up in the hospital (or ever had an issue that made me feel the need to go). Don't you think that means something?

On that note: Thank you, Mom- for always being on my side... even when I decide to do a round of HCG during the holidays.

180.6- Very long with lots of jargon

I started reading "Pounds and Inches" again last night (I've started it before, but never made it far, and I relied entirely on Rachel's email).

There are some things that I read that I didn't know, or that I used to know, but forgot... refresher courses are always good.

According to Dr. Simeons, 125 I.U. is the maximum dosage (.25 cc according to Simeons). Converted to Homeopathic HCG instead of injected HCG (Homeopathic reccommends .5 cc), this converts to about 36-45 drops per day. Link I usually take about 12-15 drops 3 times a day. I stopped counting my drops a long time ago. It's about 3/4 of a dropper full.

While reading, I found this (in a section about what someone's weight should be) and thought of Rachel. I laughed. I thought you might too. "In women it is often necessary to make an allowance for particularly large and heavy breasts."

"All patients must continue the 500 calorie diet for 3 days after the last [dose]." I've skipped that part in the past. It is the part that prevents you from gaining back weight (along with no starch or sugar for 3 weeks).

"When a patient has more than 15 pounds to lose the treatment takes longer but the maximum we give in a single course is 40 injections, nor do we as a rule allow patients to lose more than 34 lbs. (15 Kg.) at a time. The treatment is stopped when either 34 lbs. have been lost or 40 injections have been given. The only exception we make is in the case of grotesquely obese patients who may be allowed to lose an additional 5-6 lbs. if this occurs before the 40 injections are up." I used to be in that category, but I do not believe I am anymore. This leads me to believe that I can expect to lose no more than 34 lbs this round. I also used to think that the cycles were either 23 days or 40 days. This makes me believe that you can stop in between the 2 and not have adverse effects.

Also, I frequently feel hungry and stop losing weight around day 35. Per the book: "In those comparatively rare cases in which signs of immunity develop before the full course of 40 injections has been completed-say at the 35th injection- treatment must be stopped at once, because if it is continued the patients begin to look weary and drawn, feel weak and hungry and any further loss of weight achieved is then always at the expense of normal fat. This is not only undesirable, but normal fat is also instantly regained as soon as the patient is returned to a free diet." It goes on to say that you can skip a day a week to delay immunity.


"A protein-deficient diet makes the body retain water."

Specific Diet:


Breakfast: Tea or coffee in any quantity without sugar. Only one tablespoonful of milk allowed in 24 hours. Saccharin or Stevia may be used.

Lunch: 100 grams of veal, beef, chicken breast, fresh white fish, lobster, crab, or shrimp. All visible fat must be carefully removed before cooking, and the meat must be weighed raw. It must be boiled or grilled without additional fat. Salmon, eel, tuna, herring, dried or pickled fish are not allowed. The chicken breast must be removed from the bird. (There is no telling how many times I've unknowingly eaten other parts of the chicken) One type of vegetable only to be chosen from the following: spinach, chard, chicory, beet-greens, green salad, tomatoes, celery, fennel, onions, red radishes, cucumbers, asparagus, cabbage. (Green peppers? I eat them all the time on the diet.)
One bread stick (grissino) or one Melba toast. (Maybe it's because our toast is different in America, but this stuff makes you gain weight)
An apple or a handful of strawberries or one-half grapefruit.


The fruit or the bread stick may be eaten between meals instead of with lunch or
dinner, but not more than than four items listed for lunch and dinner may be eaten
at one meal.


Dinner : The same four choices as lunch.

"In fact, the patient should drink about 2 liters of these fluids per day."


"Every item in the list is gone over carefully, continually stressing the point that no variations other than those listed may be introduced. All things not listed are forbidden, and the patient is assured that nothing permissible has been left out. The 100 grams of meat must he scrupulously weighed raw after all visible fat has been removed. To do this accurately the patient must have a letter-scale, as kitchen scales are not sufficiently accurate and the butcher should certainly not be relied upon. Those not uncommon patients who feel that even so little food is too much for them, can omit anything they wish."




Unapproved fish are: all those species such as herring, mackerel, tuna, salmon, eel, etc., which have a high fat content, and all dried, smoked or pickled fish.


"When local conditions or the feeding habits of the population make changes necessary it must be borne in mind that the total daily intake must not exceed 500 calories if the best possible results are to be obtained, that the daily ration should contain 200 grams of fat-free protein and a very small amount of starch."


"Very occasionally we allow egg - boiled, poached or raw - to patients who develop an aversion to meat, but in this case they must add the white of three eggs to the one they eat whole. In countries where cottage cheese made from skimmed milk is available 100 grams may occasionally be used instead of the meat, but no other cheeses are allowed." EWWW- Raw eggs?

"After the fourth or fifth day of dieting the daily loss of weight begins to decrease to one pound or somewhat less per clay, and there is a smaller urinary output. Men often continue to lose regularly at that rate, but women are more irregular in spite of faultless dieting. There may be no drop at all for two or three days and then a sudden loss which reestablishes the normal average. These fluctuations are entirely due to variations in the retention and elimination of water, which are more marked in women than in men."

Six apples in one day while drinking a minimum amount of water can be used to break up a plateau of 4-6 days.

"Oral contraceptives may be used during treatment." I've been curious about this one.

Water retention can be caused by a sunburn, a common cold, or overexertion.

Some things I noticed while reviewing the original email that got me started:
"Make sure you drink 1/2 to 1 gallon of water every day." That's only 2 bottles of water. That sounds much more attainable than the 8 that I had thought before. Obviously, water is muy importante, but I think being sure to drink some is easier than trying to force yourself to drink a ton.

Signs of obesity: "Common clinical symptoms which are indicative only in their association and in the
frame of the whole clinical picture are: frequent headaches, rheumatic pains
without detectable bony abnormality; a feeling of laziness and lethargy, often both
physical and mental and frequently associated with insomnia, the patients saying
that all they want is to rest; the frightening feeling of being famished and
sometimes weak with hunger two to three hours after a hearty meal and an
irresistible yearning for sweets and starchy food which often overcomes the patient
quite suddenly and is sometimes substituted by a desire for alcohol; constipation and a spastic or irritable colon are unusually common among the obese, and so are menstrual disorders."

"Great Value Crushed Tomatoes do not have sugar, and are acceptable on the diet."


This was supposed to be an optimistic post, but I tried to eat my dinner.

For lunch- I made chicken soup with green peppers, tomato, onion, and water. I added seasonings, and it was mediocre, but edible. I made the same meal for dinner, except it had hamburger meat in it instead of chicken. Half of the bowl of soup is still sitting beside me. I can't eat it. I just can't. Every time I swallow, I get nauseous. I moved it out of my sight. I ate an apple after lunch and before diner.

I weighed 184.8 this morning... after Thanksgiving and stuff.
I've drank 2 bottles of water since I got to work.

I'm pulling a bunch of overtime at work this week (for Amazon), and I'm already feeling the pessimism setting in. I'm nowhere close to giving up, but I probably won't finish that soup.

Motivation

Fallback

My lowest weight: 169.4 lbs

My weight this morning: 180 lbs

Lets talk about mistakes. I'm not perfect, nobody is. Sometimes, I choose not to dwell on mistakes. I choose to move on, and just start fresh. That will not work right now. There are mistakes I made on my last round that I do not want to make again. I need to point out those mistakes. 

Preparation: When I first started this, I used to prepare my meals ahead of time. I would pre-measure chicken/beef and put it in the freezer to cook later. I did not do that on my last round. I tried (too frequently) to cook my meal when I cooked Rob's. Way too often, that ended up with a little oil in my skillet, or some vegetable that isn't on my list on my plate. I also wasn't entirely prepared to deal with my diet/work schedule.

Motivation: I started off motivated, but at some point, I forgot why I was doing it. I didn't have anything set in place to prevent my motivation from slacking.

Help: I did not have an accountability partner. I wrote my weight on the calendar every day, but that is not enough. On days when I was irritated with my weight, I would not write it down, and some days, I did not even step on the scale. 

Commitment: At some point (when my motivation fell), I started thinking about all of the reasons that the diet wasn't working. I started pointing out flaws in the formula, flaws in the diet plan, and I started doubting my own personal need for the diet. I started adjusting the formula just enough to appease my wants.

Follow up: I stopped blogging about my journey. When I had a bad day, I kept it to myself. When I had a good day, I didn't share it enough. 

I became content. I got to the point where my clothes fit fine. People told me how good I looked. I felt good. It was all enough for me. I was happy with my success. 

Oh... and diet sodas. This is a journey to getting healthy, not a journey to getting skinny. Diet sodas are not healthy (nor are they permitted on HCG). 

Finishing Strong: Prevention

My weight this morning: 180 lbs

My goal weight: 140 lbs

Preparation: I will purchase and pre-measure portions for meals. I will not cook my food in the same skillet as Rob's. I may have Rob feed himself for a month. I will create a schedule (similar to the one I did way back when) to figure out when I will eat, sleep, go to class, and work. I will reread the email that got me started, so I will remember (and abide by) all of the rules that may have slipped my mind.

Motivation: I will make a list on a poster and hang it on the fridge. I will hang another above the scale in the bathroom. I will also post that list on this blog. 

Help: I will text my weight (and the daily change) to Rachel every morning. I will talk to someone when I am struggling. I will not bring Rachel down, and I will not allow her to bring me down. We will lift each other's spirits when needed.

Commitment: I will make the decision in advance to complete this round. I will not tolerate negative behavior from others, or from myself. I will remember that what this diet has done for me, and that it has worked, and therefore, it does work. 

Follow up: I will blog at least once a week including weight and experiences. I will be sure to write when I have ups and when I'm experiencing downs. 

I will not give up. I will not be satisfied with anything less than healthy (140). I will remember that obesity assists in causing heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, and many more health issues. I will do everything in my power to live as long as I can, and make those years as valuable as possible- for my family, for my friends, and for myself. I will set a positive example for my niece, for my nephews, and for any future children I may have. I will strive to have a healthy body, so when I am ready for a child, my body is ready to provide a safe home for that baby during pregnancy. 

I will drink plenty of water. I will not drink diet sodas or anything else that is prohibited on the diet. I will follow the rules. I will watch HCG work. I will finish this. 

Sunday, November 25th will be the first day of the second to last round of HCG I will be doing. No holding back. I've got this.