Umm...

I think I was 167.2 this morning.

In 27.2 lbs, I will have met my final goal. I'm so ready to be done with weight loss.

Here's my thoughts/opinions on the matter right now (as I eat my chicken bacon ranch salad from McDonalds, cause that's as healthy as it gets at 0400 on New Year's Eve): yay... I've lost one hundred and some-odd pounds... can I just be done now? Can't I just get to that final weight and stay there? Maybe have to do the occasional 'after holiday cleanse' or something, but be done? It's still very not fair about how much I have to pay attention to what I eat. Sometimes, I don't even think about eating, and other times, I just want to eat all freaking day. Today is an eat-all-day day. I totally had mac and cheese for lunch/dinner at 8 last night.

2013 is it. Whatever weight I am at the end of 2013 is all I'm losing. I can't be on a diet for the rest of my freaking life, and honestly, there's no reason that I can't lose the last 27 lbs before summer even. Weight loss has become my life, and I'm sick of it. I'm ready to start my new life as a healthy person... I'm so done with this. Finish strong- then be done.

Sometimes, I don't blog for periods of time because I'm so stinkin sick of talking about it.

"Are you allowed to eat that?" "Are you dieting right now?" "I thought you weren't supposed to..." MURRR... shut up.



SOOOOOO On a completely unrelated note: I want a tattoo.

Let me defend myself first, although it's not necessary. I'm a grown up, and supposedly, I don't have to tell people my reasons, but this is kind of fun.

My mom is my best friend. She's the one person who is always on my team. When people said I wouldn't go back to school, that I wouldn't finish. When people said that hCG was bad for me. When people thought it was just another fad diet. When I wanted to play softball, even though I sat on the bench cause Lanny Rice was still the coach. When I quit softball after years of playing, because for some reason, I felt like God told me to. When I had to call off a wedding, and she said, "I can make it all go away in 24 hours", all I had to say was, "I need you to make it go away." When I got a Pit Bull because I was scared to live alone. When I fell in love way faster than 'normal' and all she wanted to know was who made me so happy. When I found out about my other half-brother, and our 'new family'. When my Granny Shirley died, and Rob couldn't go to the funeral...

As a child, and as an adult, my momma has been best friend. She has always been there for me, in ways that nobody else could.

Mom and I used to get into the famous "I love you more" debates. The conclusion was always that she loves me more, because her heart is bigger. Keep in mind, that started when I was a child, and as a grown up, her heart was obviously larger than mine. To this day though, I let her win that argument but, "Only cause your heart's bigger."

Here is the tattoo that I want:

The idea is to get matching tattoos. Hers would be the same, except that it would say, "Only cause my heart's bigger"

The only real dilemma I have is whether to write it like we would say it (which is how it is in the picture) or whether to do it in a more grammatically appropriate way of, "Only because your heart is bigger"

That may be a stupid thing to contemplate, but I think I would have more issues with the southern grammar permanently on my body than I would have with it being worded in a official sounding tone.

Post Christmas Steak Day

This morning: 169.2

I made a steak for diner tonight.

I also went ahead and made another one for tomorrow.

Day 2- No starch, no sugar.

I don't want to type this, but admitting there is a problem is the first step to fixing it, right?

So, I stopped the pills,waited 2 days, and started no starch no sugar. Yesterday, I had an omelette, some buffalo chicken, some fake eggs (I think they're egg whites with food coloring) with turkey sausage in them, and some popcorn. I guess popcorn is starchy. I didn't realize that, or I pretended it wasn't in my brain or something. Saturday morning (before I started NSNS) I weighed in at 162.0. I stepped on the scale this morning... 166.0. I don't even want to type that. I keep thinking, "I have no idea how that happened." It was the popcorn. Duh. So, I should have done a steak day today, but I was not prepared to, so I've just been really careful. I had some leftover buffalo chicken (I got the recipe off Pinterest. Crockpot. AWESOME!), a salad, and I just ate a cheddar-worst-thingy with mustard on it and no bun. We'll see where I'm at tomorrow. If it gets worse, I'll deal with it...

I'm already planning on Christmas being a rule-breaking day, and the 26th being a steak day. I'll see how that goes.

For me, this is the hard part. It's easier to follow a ton of rules than a few. I'm not sure why that is.

Oh well. I've got this.

Oh, and in the past couple of weeks, I have made a ton of sweets, and not even tasted any. I'm pretty impressed with that.

HA! I'm a doofus.

So, this morning (as in Tuesday morning) I went to bed feeling a little hungry. I was already starting to doubt the pills, although I really like the idea of them. Also, if you remember, I had said 120 capsules would last over a round and it advertises loss of 30 lbs with the bottle. So, I read that as half a pound a day because of the 60 day bottle.

I started considering taking an extra pill a day. I figured it might help. I read the back of the bottle (previously, I had read the insert, but obviously, not that clearly) and it says take TWO pills TWICE a day... like- take 4 pills a day. The bottle talks about two pills as a serving, and I just read that as a capsule. On the nutrition table, it says: Serving Size: 2 Capsules. Dur de dur.

It also says I should lose 1-2 lbs a day on the back of the bottle. For some reason, it makes me feel better when it's advertised as a higher weight.

So, maybe I will get down to 159. Maybe.

It should also be noted that I may put off the no starch/no sugar until Christmas Eve and then be VERY cautious on Christmas and up until New Year's Eve (when I fully plan on drinking so much that it didn't matter what I ate that day).

Side note: Next time I chose an accountability partner, make sure it's someone who returns text messages. I'm a firm believer in having battle buddies. Battle buddies return texts and communicate frequently.

My mommy is my battle buddy... and she celebrates every pound with me.

Also, I totally broke my rule and looked at the reviews on the new hCG before I finished this round. It has 4 out of 5 stars based on 287 reviews. I did well. :)

163.0

... and this... is the smallest I've ever been.


 

Shout out to Mommy, who celebrates every single pound with me. :)

164.2

Same weight today. I'm okay with that, I guess. I was really hoping for 159 by the end of this, but even so, I can't pretend that I won't be back at 162 by Christmas, so it doesn't matter really. The point is to continue until Friday, and be as careful as possible over Christmas until I can start back up again. :)

I'm still excited. I'm also interested in seeing if the hCG Activator really will work. Normally, I research products better before I purchase them, but I was desperate.

To do list for tonight:
Christmas cards.
Go pick up some bottled water.

That's pretty much it.

164.2- Correction: This is the smallest I have ever been

I'll probably keep this whole "smallest I've ever been" thing up for a while. :)

I got a new hCG- that should be mentioned. I got it from GNC, because I ran out of the kind I was using (hCG Platinum, that I have no idea where I got). I'm now using an hCG Activator. If you recall, I had been looking for something like this- something that made my body produce more hCG (other than a baby) instead of my trying to get my hands on prego lady piss.

This stuff is pills. There are 120 pills in a bottle for $60, and you are supposed to take 2 a day. The bottle only claims that you will lose half a pound a day, but I'll see how accurate that is. Disclaimer: I did not read the reviews for this product, and I won't. Homeopathic hCG worked for me until I read the reviews, and it messed with my mind. I'm finishing this durn round first, and if it works, I'll use it again. This bottle could very well get me down to 140lbs. I'm so excited.... 24 lbs to go... You know what? I'm going to make a ticker. :)

I have 5 days left of this. I wonder if I can get down to 159... I guess we'll see. :) I didn't have really high hopes for this round, and my heart wasn't in it until I started. Every day leading up to day 1 of the VLCD I was wishing I didn't have to do it, and I was not wanting to follow through. I did it because I needed to. I did it because I didn't want to start 2013 in a barely different spot from what I started 2012 in. I wanted accomplishments. So, even though I didn't want to do this round, I just did it. I put on my big girl panties and did the diet without cheating. Granted, this round will only be 28 days, but seriously, I've lost so far 22lbs over these 22 days.

The thing I'm really curious about is this: can I (on hCG Activator instead of some other form of hCG) go back to the VLCD on January 6th instead of waiting forever? If I just take a couple of weeks off for the holidays will that be enough? (Also, I say holidays in reference to Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day. I am not one of those people who calls Christmas "the holidays" to keep from offending non-believers, and for the record: Rob calls it Christmas too.)

So, if anyone gets bored at work, and can tell me if it's safe to start back up on hCG [Activator] before my wait time is up, I would be happy to have that information. I will not look it up for fear of accidentally seeing a bad review and tarnishing my opinion of the product I have already purchased. If you look it up for me, a simple "yes" or "no" will work fine.

FYI: I started 2012 at 197 lbs. I just looked it up. So, even at 186, I made progress, although, now, I've made some serious progress.


<3 you!

The Smallest I've Ever Been (on record, as an adult)- 167.2

WOOT WOOT!

This... days like today... this is why I do this.

168.2

When I started this round, there were a couple of changes that I wanted to make that I have made, and a couple that I haven't.

Good:
I have not been cooking my food side by side with Rob's.
I have been writing my weight daily.
I have been staying away from diet sodas.
I have been drinking a lot of water.

Bad:
I have not written my reasons for weight loss on the fridge or the calendar.
I have not been notifying my blog of my bad days.

So, I have two index cards in front of me, which I will write my reasons for weight loss on as soon as I am done- one for the fridge, and one for the bathroom.

I had a bad day on Saturday. I did not cheat per-say, but I had a bad day. Twice on this round, I have been out with Rob and his co-workers to pizza places. Both times, I had a salad. The second time (Saturday), I could have eaten the whole damn pizza by myself. I wanted that stupid thing more than I wanted most things (on a short term scale of course). I talked myself through it and ordered a salad, but the salad was huge and I ate every bite of it. I also put some "fat free Italian dressing" on it that was most likely not approved. Earlier in the day, we ate at IHOP where I had an omelette. I want to note that I have never had issues with the omelette unless I combined it with something stupid (like I did on Saturday).

So, I'm back on schedule now, and hopefully, tomorrow when I wake up, I will be the smallest I have ever been as an adult. I ate a hamburger patty (with some GV salsa and mustard) for 'breakfast' or lunch or whatever... and I ate strawberries for a snack twice tonight.

Something I've learned with hCG: If your heart isn't in it, and your mind isn't made up, you're bound to fail. If there is any doubt in your mind about you finishing, you will allow yourself to quit. For me, usually once I get started, there's no choice anymore. Occasionally, there has been, and I've failed, but for the most part, my mindset never changed. 140 is the goal. 140 is the end. Until then, this is not an option.
On that note: Rachel stopped this round of hCG on Saturday (towards the end of my very bad day). Once again, it's me, myself, and I.

My note card reasons:

• Rob, and my future with him
• Hunter, Davin, Awnika
• I will have worked very hard for a degree. What does that mean if I don't live long enough to pay it off?
• Elizabeth.
• My heart
• My chance of future diabetes
• My knees
• My clothes
• My body is God's temple. It belongs to Him, and I should take care of His things.
• Every picture I've ever taken with a double chin

168.8

So, I slept until 1300 or so, and weighed myself as soon as I got up. It said 168.8. I weighed myself an hour later after watching the Walking Dead (not having drank anything or eaten anything) and it said 169.6. Either way, I'm perfectly happy, but I always get on and off the scale a few times for validity, so it irritates me that my scale does this. :-p

Measurements coming soon. They're written down in my car right now, and I'm in a bathrobe, so you'll have to wait.

170.8

Slowly going down. I got this.

171.2 -Funny Thing about Stress

It makes you see the world in a different light.

So yesterday, Rachel was not answering my texts, and Rob did not call me to say goodnight. Today, I learned that Rachel's phone is broken, and Rob called me, but it did not ring on my side... but you can image how I felt last night.

I have been eating an apple a day since I started this round. My first bag of apples was awesome! I really don't like apples usually, but that bag of apples was freaking delicious. I ran out and got a new bag last night. The new bag sucks. It reminds me why I don't like apples. Also, strawberries suck in the winter, but even winter strawberries are better than less that awesome apples.

I think that's probably how Rob feels about mangoes. He's practically obsessed with them. Every time we go to a market, he gets 2 or 3. He tries them each, almost always deciding they are crap and throwing them away. I couldn't understand why he kept buying them. It makes sense now: because once in a blue moon, you get an apple that is freaking delicious, and it makes the hunt worth it. Personally, I still have never found a mango that I thought was good. His taste buds may just be jacked up.

I'm doing something a little dangerous when I get off work this morning. I am going to IHOP to eat a fake egg omelette. They have these "Fit-Veggie Omelettes" that have like 200 calories. They're made with fake eggs, spinach, tomatoes, and mushrooms. They're very filling. I've had them before on the diet, and I'm pretty sure they are hCG approved. I don't think they've caused problems in the past. I'll let you know. Seriously though- I have not drank a Diet Coke. I have not eaten any eggs so far (fake or real). I have not eaten cottage cheese. I have not put milk in my coffee (I have not drank coffee).

Tomorrow is a big day for me. I have that big stupid Financial Resources exam (which my professor did not prepare us for, but I think/hope I prepared myself for). After the test, I have to take my car to Hyundai, because I bought it in February, and it's making a horrible clicky noise (which Daddy says is no bueno). Then I have to go to a counselor (which my gyno says it will make my life easier).

A couple of notes: I started this round of hCG on 11/25 and planned to stop on 12/25. I am supposed to eat NO starch/sugar for 2 weeks after I stop. It's Christmas. Do we see how this is going? I'm going to stop on the 22, and give myself 3 days (22,23,24) of NO starch/sugar. On Christmas, I will be very careful about it, but I'm not pretending that I won't have a small slice of pie. After Christmas, I will go back to no starch/sugar until New Year's Eve- when it probably won't matter because I'll puke it all up anyway. That is 16 more days of this diet... which is at least 10 more lbs that I can expect to lose. Goal for Christmas- no rolls. One roll means >6 rolls in my world. No freaking rolls.

hCG- the one thing I have complete control over in my life. It gave me control of my weight, my health, and my future. I can't tell you how relieved that makes me- even now, when I'm still 30 lbs away from being healthy.

172.2

UUUUUGHHHH

That's about all I can muster up for this post. I have a test on Wednesday, a final on Monday, and another final next Wednesday. Kinda stressed. I have not cheated. I have done everything I should be doing.

AND Rob did not call me to tell me goodnight... he always calls to tell me goodnight.

172.0

It's funny how the ups and downs can get to you. I can lose 2 lbs one day, then .5 the next, and I'll still be a little sad about the .5, because I expected a whole pound.

I've noticed that I had a couple of rounds that were a bust. I am just now close to the weight I was at when I finished the last round. That's kind of sad, but again, we do not focus on fall backs. I am expecting to do one more round after this one to get to 140 lbs. There was a time when I would just dream that I could get there on this one. I may get as close as I can, but I cannot realistically expect to lose 32 lbs in 22 days. I'm not comfortable expecting 22 lbs in 22 days anymore. I'll hope for the best, and expect to get down to 162 or so. I think the last round was a bust because I didn't observe my "no starch, no sugar" rule. I used to hold my ending weight much better when I did that.

I went back through and read my complete blog. That's always exciting, and it almost always makes me cry. One of the things that stuck out was, "It seems like forever, but one day it will seem like forever ago." That comment seems like forever ago, along with the weight that accompanied it. One day, today, 172 lbs, will seem like forever ago.

I was at my brother's house the other day for the boys' birthday party. They had made deer chili for dinner, and everyone ate some before they all had cake. I did not eat any of either, and my grandma asked me why I was still dieting. I tried to explain that I am still overweight, and by most charts, I am still obese.

My legs still touch when I walk.
My belly flab still hangs down, and I still have 2 rolls when I sit.
My bum still goes halfway up my back.
I still have a fat 'roll' on my thigh above my knee that makes it weird to wear shorts. (If you have one, you know what I'm talking about.)

All of these things point to unhealthy. I could be the healthiest person in my family and still be incredibly unhealthy. I didn't point all of these things out during that conversation. I tend to get offensive when people start talking like that. I want to lose weight. I have no idea why people would want to discourage that.

Another thing: People still seem to think that you can go walk for 30 minutes a day and lose weight. If it's that easy, why haven't any of them done it. I am very disinclined to take advice about losing weight from people who aren't at a healthy weight. I love my family, but really? Can't anyone just say, congratulations? Or good luck? I've been doing this for this long, and haven't wound up in the hospital (or ever had an issue that made me feel the need to go). Don't you think that means something?

On that note: Thank you, Mom- for always being on my side... even when I decide to do a round of HCG during the holidays.