196.0

Woot Woot!!!!

I'm eating a normal HCG amount today. I want to see if I can keep losing weight without doing steak days. For a while I wasn't losing weight, so I kind of just want to see if this works.

I'm down to the "first to put on, last to come off" weight, which means the rest of this journey is going to be a lot harder than the first part of it. I'm okay with that.

197.6- Day 31

I have mastered the art of black coffee---- with a little bit of saccharin sweetener in it. Actually, the first cup has 3 packets or so of sweetener, and I don't add any more, I just get down to a fourth of a cup or so, then fill it back up. It's wonderful. I have this thick porcelain coffee cup (it's about the size of two cups) that I've had forever, but never get to use. I'm using it now.

I've also got 8 bottles of water on my desk, and a pitcher of tea beside me. I'm going on the "stay hydrated" philosophy today... whatever liquid I can put in. :-) I highly doubt I'll get through all 8 bottles, but I'll probably get through the whole pitcher of tea.

So the steak day was yesterday, and obviously, it worked. I may do a steak day every day for the rest of this. I've got 3 more steaks cooked up in the fridge anyway, might as well use them.

I used to do "how I'm feeling" updates on here, for anyone who is thinking about doing HCG, and I haven't done those in a while, so I'll update you. My body is not tired. I used to get light headed sometimes, usually first thing in the morning, or when I stood too long in the shower, but I haven't had that problem since I started making an effort to drink more water. For a while, I was falling asleep faster, but lately, I'm back to lying in bed for a while before falling asleep. That was a problem before HCG that I thought HCG had fixed. I have an app on my phone that plays lullabies for a set time. I used to have it set to 20 minutes, and I always passed out before it ran out of time. I had to set it to 45 minutes the other day. I usually try to do without it, because I don't like relying on it, but I always end up turning it on. My energy level is average, except my motivation is pretty high, so I love the idea of going to go work out, but I can't. Part of that might be the coffee. :-)


Adding today's measurements: It's been a while since I've done measurements on here... maybe that's to blame for the shrinkage.


Bust: 41.5- 2 inches smaller
Arms: 14.25- .25 inches smaller
Waist: 38.5- 4.5 inches smaller???
Bum: 49.5- 2 inches smaller
Thigh: 29.5- Same

199.6- Day 30

Yesterday morning, I was 199.8. I'm stalling again. Not sure why. I still have 10 days left. Usually, if I become immune, I get physically hungry. I am not hungry, so I'm going to stick this out until I run out of drops. I'll probably run out around day 36. I might make it to day 40, but I can't bring myself to buy more drops if I haven't lost any real weight.

I'm very tempted to stop doing HCG so I can work out, but I would feel like I was quitting. So, even if for no other reason than to prove I can, I'm going to stick this out at least until I run out of drops. I still can't work out, but staying on HCG is a great excuse not to work out. :-)

People tell me all the time that I'm getting so much smaller. I love it. I run into people I know, and they do a double take. It makes me feel like I can see all of my hard work. Honestly, looking at my body every day sometimes keeps me from being able to see the changes as they are made.

Oh yeah- I'm doing another steak day today. I'm at work, so I'll drink a bunch of water while I'm here, (and coffee... cause it's TOTALLY allowed) and follow up with a steak for dinner.

198.6

I'm very glad to know that the steak day actually helped, and didn't just help for a day. It seems to have put me back on track.

Yesterday, I was 201.2

So, I did a steak day. Too many days of not losing weight/gaining a little, when I know I'm not cheating at all. The only thing I could think of is that my lips are very chapped, so I've been using chapstick. It was a fancy kind that didn't have oil listed in the ingredients, but maybe it actually had oil in it. I'm very not allowed to have any types of oils. So, I've been trying to stay out of the wind, and stay hydrated more, and ditch the chapstick.

Today, after my steak day, I took a picture of the scale.

The first time I stepped on it, it said 199.2. The second time it said 199.6. I alway try to get a consistent reading before I write down any numbers. I stepped on it again and got 199.8. Two more times with 199.8, and that's what I took the picture. I could just write down 199.2 and move on, but if I wake up tomorrow, and it says 199.0, I wouldn't feel like I'd lost anything.

Also, I slept late today. A friend of mine from work mentioned that I may not be losing weight like I'm supposed to because of my lack of sleep. It's hard for me to sleep at night. Even when I get up at 6am, and go to bed at 10, I still lay there until 2 in the morning before passing out. So, last night, I stayed up until I felt tired at 4 or so, and then slep until 1. I needed that kind of sleep. I think between it, and the steak... it helped.

200.8

Though, I did step on the scale last night and saw 199.8 for the first time in forever. Took a picture of it too. :-)

Patience and hard work...

200.4

Mildly frustrating, but I'm not letting it get me down.

Patience....

201.2- Cause that's how it goes.

I didn't cheat. I don't know why I feel the need to declare that any time my weight looks incriminating.

Here's my theory- I've been working weird hours. Twice this week, I worked overnights, and didn't get off work until 7:00 in the morning. Because of this, my sleep hours have been jacked up, and I gain/lose time in my day because of the weird hours I've been sleeping. I had been falling asleep around 7 or 8 in the morning, and waking up around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. When I wake up in the afternoon, that is my "morning," and that is when I check my weight. Well, I got off work at 11:30 last night, and ate dinner at midnight or so. I went to bed around 3, and woke up and took my "morning weight" at 6:30. This didn't give my body time to process my dinner. I'm not worried or concerned about my weight. I'm not losing hope or patience. There are certain mile markers that sometimes take a little longer to cross. I always figured getting down below 200 would be one of those.


I'm drinking a crap ton of water today though. Beat that you stupid scale! :-)

200.0- Old Picture Time!!! I've always been "heavy set"

I didn't stand a chance of trying to put these in order, So I tried to label them accurately with my age... not trying to think about the weight I was in each picture... too much effort.

Around 13- 14 I think

13-14 Maybe

Eddy was playing football in Farmington... so, at least 14

Uncle Jeff's Wedding- Judging by the fact that I let someone cut my hair- 13

Second year at JBU- 18

Softball, Sophomore year- 16

14-16

18

13-15 ish?

Dez's Junior Prom- 16



I worked at Dillons- 16



We hadn't had the Vette too long- I wanna say 14. Maybe 15.



That was my favorite shirt sophomore year. 16



Eddy's Wedding- 17 years old

Junior Prom- 16

Sophomore Softball- 16

200.6

I want to scream every time I look at that number! I'm so excited!!!

I have a hard line putting a timeline on my weight as I grew up. There are certain mile markers that I can remember though. In the 7th grade, I had a pair of patched jeans (they were 'super cool' back then) that were a size 14. I outgrew them by the time I hit 8th grade. When I tried Advocare with my Nee Nee, we put them up somewhere, so I could see how much weight I'd lost. I never lost any.

They're probably still too small, but it'd be fun to try. They looked something like this:

Except, mine were cooler... with bigger patches, and more flair, and no pocket designs... cause I was cool like that. My favorite picture of me from that time period is of me in those jeans, with a grey long sleeved thermal shirt on that said "Rock!" in red letters. Mom, can we get that picture on here? That'd be pretty awesome!

THANKS TO MY MOMMY!!!! My mom sent me a bunch of fat pictures of me when I was fatter... Putting the pictures in some form of a collage below... in some type of chronological form.

 Softball- Sophomore in high school, I was 230 ish there.

Senior Prom 215lbs or so

After graduation, before college- 225 or so

Eddy's Boot Camp Graduation- 2009 ish 230-240

Eddy's Boot Camp Graduation- 2009 ish

Eddy's homecoming party, 2009 Summer 250ish

Hunter was born- December 2009

201.6- Can YOU feel how close I am?!?!?!?!?!

I CAN!!!

It's freaking cold outside! When I got dressed for work tonight, I went to the winter side of my closet. I pulled out one of the long sleeved shirts that my mom got me when I was 16 or so. She bought me 5 or 6 in different colors. When I first got them, they stayed in the back of my closet. They are XLs, I believe. I never wore them, because they clung to my stomach. A few years later, layers became popular, and I started wearing them under T-shirts. I pulled out my black one, and reached for a shirt to put over it. I looked in the mirror at the long sleeved shirt over the tank top I was already wearing.

It fit! The shirt that once clung to my stomach so bad that I couldn't wear it, fits me! Honestly, I'm not sure if it's too big, or if it just has no shape. Shirts like this don't usually have a problem with shaping me, so I'm thinking I can call it too big. It's kind of baggy. I can't tell you how proud I am of myself.

Most women look back at when they were 16 and wish they could look like that again. I look back and know I look better now. Most women, after being married for a while, try on their wedding dress, and realize it doesn't fit anymore. By the time I got mine in, it was too big. I can't imagine what it would look like now... and, no. I'm not going to try it on to see. The only reason it's still in my closet is because MOM won't let me donate it.

I need to get a young picture up of me on here, so you can see. I was round. Even when I was 220lbs or so (which was probably ages 14-16 or so), my face looked bigger than it did when I was 270. Something about puberty, I'm sure, but my face slimmed up so much when I got to college. It used to be SO ROUND... so even when I wasn't huge, I felt like I was. I'll try to put some chubby face pictures up tomorrow.

203.2 again, but it's okay... I didn't do anything wrong.

When I read, I get completely lost in the book. I used to read all the time, especially my senior year of high school. I haven't read much since I started college. I haven't disappeared in a book, I mean. I started reading Twilight (pause for the applause to stop). I held off, because I am a huge Harry Potter fan, and I felt like a traitor. Harry Potter is over. There is nothing left for me to look forward to.... so I dove in. I started the first book Monday night, just before midnight. I finished it around 11 tonight. I'm a good chunk of the way through the second book now, and I read a line that I wanted to blog.

"It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it."

Life goes on. Edward left, but Bella still survives. She was a zombie for a while (believe me, I know that one), and sometimes, she still feels like a zombie, but life goes on.

I took the quote to relate to weight loss as well though. I still have my triggers- the smell of french fries, pizza, Arby's.... and it doesn't smell any less tempting for me. I just know that I don't need it. It isn't that I don't want it, but I want other things more. I want to be healthy.

In the past few months, almost half a year, I have may have appeared to be a very weak person. There were, and occasionally still are, times when I don't feel like I can hold myself together. The thing is, I know that I am strong. Sometimes I forget, but it's a truth that my Dad instilled in me years ago. I am strong enough to lose 100 pounds in a year. I am strong enough to hold out for the man who is perfect for me. I am strong enough to take care of myself, just in case he never shows.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. God, please make me as strong as You need me to be.

203.2

Back at work... with my 8 bottles of water on my desk. They seemed to work yesterday. I've been drinking more Diet Coke than I should, but I don't allow myself any until all my water is gone. :-)


I'm having serious issues importing my ticker. My original is awesome, but it's not showing up in my blog. I created a new one on a different site, and it didn't show either.... so I'm putting the code below in case it accidentally shows up... and I'm copying the picture and putting it below as well... but it's not going to move. :-(

Free <a href="http://www.weight-loss-center.net/weight-loss-tickers.html%22%3EWeight Loss Tickers</a> at Weight Loss Center<br /><a href="http://www.weight-loss-center.net/weight-loss-tickers.html%22%3E%3Cimg border="0" src="http://www.weight-loss-center.net/weight-loss-tickers/uploads/tickers/b07a972a74e99e0.gif%22%3E%3C/a>

205.4

Yesterday, I was still at 206.8... again. I was very not happy, and very aggravated. I know that my stall was probably due to feminine stuff, but still...

To jump start my metabolism back up, I drank water all day long yesterday. I know I'm supposed to do this anyway, but it's hard for me to remember to drink water. I started my day yesterday by putting 8 bottles of water on my desk. I planned on finishing them in the 12 hours I was here. I got almost all of them down, but couldn't finish my last one. I'm doing the same thing today. It's a good practice to get into, and as often as I work, it may be easier this way. I have them set up like a "to-do list" instead of in my bottom drawer being out of sight and out of mind.

Going to have to go get a new case of water before tomorrow night.

My work schedule is pretty weird this week, because I took on some extra hours. I worked 7 am to 7 pm yesterday and today. Tomorrow night, I come in at 7pm and work until 7am Tuesday morning. I do the same thing Tuesday night. I'm thinking that's 32 bottles of water in 4 days. I'm definitely going to have to go get more.

And yes, I'm fully aware I could drink tap water, but I just prefer the bottles... and I prefer Ozarka.

206.8

I'm kind of dragging right now. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be, except maybe my diet coke. I like to have a diet coke once a day or so. As far as I can tell, that hasn't hurt me before. I'm not really supposed to have aspertame, but I can't see any negative effects of a small amount of it.

So, I'm being careful.... watching everything I put in my mouth... trying to drink a BUNCH of water.... all that jazz...

Twice in One Day- Wow

First things first- If you have a hard time commenting on a blog, scroll way down, and follow my directions below. It took me hours to figure this out (and I got in a tiny bit of trouble at work, because I didn't get some stuff done, because I was doing this instead). I would love for the info to benefit someone else.



Now, I'd like to share some short-ish-term goals with you all.

I want to be down to 170lbs by January 4th, 2012. That would put me at a hundred pounds in a year. Here's the trick to this: if everything goes ABSOLUTELY AWESOMELY on the rest of this round of HCG, it will put my weight at 182 on November, 11. This in itself makes me smile. :-) I cannot go back on the diet again until after the new year. On the other side of that, it gives me 53 days to lose 12 more pounds. Totally possible, right? YES! I'll have to do it on my own. No HCG. Maybe I'll stay no starch/no sugar for a while. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be exceptions to that rule, but I have to learn healthy portion sizes. A tiny sample of all of the awesomeness that my family cooks, will satisfy my taste buds. I just have to get it in my head that there is no point in being so full that my pants are uncomfortable. A large part of my family is diabetic, so there are ALWAYS diabetic friendly dishes at family-get-togethers. I should befriend those dishes. Might make life easier.

I want to be healthy. That was the whole purpose of this. It wasn't about me getting thin. I want to be healthy. I'm really not supposed to work out much on this diet, but I need to start doing some exercises. I am very non-limber. My heart rate still sky-rockets when I exert myself. I went to campus the other day and lost my breath walking from my truck to the Treasurer's Office. I want that to stop... BEFORE I go back to school. Totally possible, right? YES AGAIN! I'm going to start "speed walking" or "brisk walking" or whatever it is. I don't ever do that. I run until I can't breathe, and walk until I catch my breath, and repeat. I can't do that on HCG. There's a good chance I'd pass out. Lady bug could use the exercise too. She's getting old.

I haven't been to the bar in almost two weeks. I just don't want to go. I don't want to be one of those people. There's a really long story about what specifically made me leave the bar, but it isn't important. P.S. Anyone know where to play free poker other than a bar? I love that game, but I shouldn't play more than once a week or so.
For those of you who don't know, I'm a very, very, very determined person. When I want something, I work hard for it. (This probably has something to do with why I'm giving the UofA over half my paycheck every two weeks so I can go back to school in January.) Failure isn't an option for me. My dad told me the other day, "You have to go back to school to prove everyone wrong." I asked him who there was to prove wrong, because as far as I know, everyone who knows me well enough to care, knows that I will go back to school. Occasionally, people ask me if I'm still planning on going back. I'm not "planning on it." I'm friggin going to do it. Quitting isn't an option for me. I started it. I have to finish. I wish my brother were that way.


So... here's the only real full body picture I have of me right now. I wish I had some older ones, but when I was at my biggest, I tried not to let people take full body pictures of me. They were lucky to get a head shot. If any of you can find a really fat full body picture of me, let me know. It'd be great for comparison. At some point, I'll take a new picture of me in my old clothes. It will be funny. I put on another shirt today that I used to not wear because it was too small, and now I can't wear because it's way too big.

I'm really not a fan of my hair or facial expression in this picture, but that isn't the point. (I've mastered the "stand like this so you look kind of skinny-er" pose.)





Leaving comments: I'd screenshot, but apparently, Blogspot isn't a fan.

• Go to the tools button on your internet page. It looks like a gear. Click Internet Options. Go to the Privacy tab in Internet Options. Change your settings to low. This should still block the cookies that your computer needs to block, but it allows the ones that allow us to comment. Click Apply. Click OK. Close out your internet completely, and open it back up.
• When you log back into Blogspot, uncheck the "leave me signed in" or "remember me" or whatever it says. For whatever reason, this jacks up the memory. (Seriously, Blogspot, if we can't use the box, why put it there?)

Dieting is Cheaper than Eating

Day 13- 207.8- Same as day 12
Day 14- 206.8- That's today.

I'm ragging... not that you care, but it affects my weight change. I am continuing the drops because I have the mentality of why mess with something that works.

My mind is on money right now, not dieting, although it isn't interferring with my dieting. I make good money, but the majority of it goes to the U of A, so I don't really see it.

On a side note, I probably need to eat more. I keep forgetting to eat. I'm going to go make lunch before I have to go to work.

207.8 Day... umm... 12

That's my weight as of now.

Something I may try different this round:

Officially, when you start your period, and you are on the diet, you are supposed to continue the 500 calorie diet, without taking the drops. I have always taken the drops anyway, because I have a hard time convincing myself that I can get away with only eating 500 calories without the drops. Supposedly, your body is creating HCG while you are on your period, so there is no need to take them.

I may try to make it through my period without the drops. If I start feeling hungry, I'll probably start back up on them, because feeling hungry isn't part of this diet. In the past, I have always taken them, and continued to lose weight like normal. However, I have always stopped losing weight a day or two earlier than I am supposed to.

I have not decided whether I'm going to stop taking them or not. At this point, I'm leaning towards taking them. The personal comfort I get from taking the drops relieves me from the worry that I'm hurting my body, and when you don't take the drops on your period, you tend to lose much less weight, if any. I think my week of ragging and losing weight is worth the two days that I may or may not lose weight at the end of my diet because I became immune to the drops a little early. I guess that's decision made.
(5-7 lbs I'll lose if I keep taking my drops during my period) > (2-3 lbs I may not lose at the end of my diet if I take the drops all the way through + the worry that I'm hurting my body unnecessarily)

Different note- When I get off work on Sundays, I go to Skye's house so she can measure me. I do not guarantee the accuracy of these measurements, although we try very hard to make sure we are measuring in the exact same spot. I wear the same pants every time, and we measure at the top of the tear. I have a mole on my arm that use as a landmark for where to measure. Rachel told me to measure myself, so we do.

So, Sunday 10/9:

Thigh- 29.5- half an inch smaller than last week
Bum- 51.5- one inch smaller
Waist- 43- half an inch bigger- could be due to bloating... apparently that happens when you're a girl
Bust- 43.5- EXACTLY THE SAME :-) there isn't much room to lose anything there.
Arms 14.5- half an inch smaller


10/10 Day 11- 208.6
10/11 Day 12- 207.8

I just realized there wasn't a title here. Now there is.

So, I've decided to get back to the "blogging" part of this blog, and not just record keeping, but only shortly, because there are some things I have to finish before I leave work.

For a while, I didn't post particularly personal stuff on this blog, because it was made for my weight loss. Guess what. Weight loss is very personal. A lot of my personal life contributes to my weight loss, or lack thereof.

I believe I mentioned the whole almost getting married/calling off my wedding thing. What I didn't mention is how hard it was on me getting used to being a single person again. Maybe you understand this. Maybe you don't, and this is sort of hard for me to admit out loud (because sometimes writing is more out loud than speaking). When I called off my wedding, my weight loss was put on hold. Like, a major hold... you know, the kind a bank puts on checks from out of the country.

I gave every part of me to my relationship with Jerimiah. So much so, that there was nothing left for me. I woke up every morning and went to work for him. It wasn't about me finishing school, or moving up in my work. It was about taking care of us. My life revolved around the two of us. He did not share the same desire to take care of our "family". It was a hard realization for me when I hit my breaking point. He is a good guy, but he has a lot of growing up to do, and I can't be his mother.

I asked him repeatedly to get a job, then begged him for even longer. One day I told him he had two weeks to get a job, or I was calling off the wedding. I had no intentions of leaving him. After all, he was my everything. I just wasn't ready to marry someone under the circumstances we were in. The day after I gave him a deadline, he slept until afternoon. I was heartbroken, and devastated. I was working as much as I possibly could, and he couldn't even get out of bed to hold us together. That's when I decided that not only was he not ready to get married, but he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I gave him his two weeks, or tried to. A week and a half in, he asked if I wanted to marry him still. He asked me in a text, and I ended up calling him to tell him, "no."

Long story short, it broke my heart, and I drank often and in large quantities to try to fill the cracks. I drank back on every pound from the last round of HCG I did. I became a drone. I had no idea where I was in life, or what I was doing with it. Everything I had planned fell through. Everything I had put so much effort into... the one person that I thought I could rely on to take care of me... Sometimes, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind about how much time and effort I wasted. I had to make new plans, and new, revamped goals. Which I have done, and am continuing to do. My diet is my stabilizer.

I feel better. I feel fresh. I have ups and downs all the time, but I'm good today.
My mom and I have this saying about HCG. "It's the one thing we have control over."

The thing about it is, right now, I feel like I'm in control of everything. I have a million options out there for me. A million different opportunities to make an imprint in the world, and I sure as hell don't need a man to help me do it.

This diet is step one. I have to change myself before I can change the world.

As of today: 211 lbs.

Recap Days 4-9

Just a recap of my weight throughout this week.
10/3- Day 4- 222.8
10/4- Day 5- 222.2
10/5- Day 6- 219.4
10/6- Day 7- 216.8
10/7- Day 8- 213.8
10/8- Day 9- 212.0

So- Makin some serious progress.

I really really really hate fish.

Day 8

I've been eating a lot of fish.

I hate fish.

213.8 lbs

Day 4 again, again, again... nevermind

Alrighty,
So I've been gorging all weekend, (which grosses me out now, but I think I probably used to eat like that all the time) and my official starting weight on this round is 222.8. That's after gorging for three days. I fluctuated around 215 before gorging, but I didn't weigh myself on day 1. I'm not sure why, but I didn't.

Official measurements for the start of this round. Taken yesterday, day 3-

Thigh- 30"
Bum- 52.5" (I think that's always going to be huge)
Waist- 42.5"
Breasts- 43.5"
Arm- 15"

And now, I'm going to go back to the very original measurements and see if there's really that much difference.