I am not a conspiracy theorist. I'm not. When it comes to Big Pharm though, I'm a firm believer.
I believe that the FDA made it very difficult for people to get their hands on HCG because pharmaceutical companies make a lot of money because people are fat. It's easy to convince people that it's unhealthy, because 500 calories a day does not seem like a lot, and people don't like the idea of eating such a small amount. The science behind HCG makes perfect sense if you read it, and I have.
I believe that there are viruses and diseases out there that could be cured, but scientists are not working on a cure for them, because pharmaceutical companies are making a lot of money for maintaining these issues, instead of solving them.
I believe that too many doctors are prescribing too much and healing too little, because there are drug reps that visit them frequently. I don't want any doctor who has a strong relationship with a specific drug company.
I believe that obesity is an pandemic that we cannot solve until the majority of food companies and legitimate healing doctors get together to make sure people are consuming FUEL for their body and making that fuel taste good enough that people prefer it. When parents start teaching children the beauty in the word "moderation" and what the word "no" means, then we can build a healthy generation.
The hCG that I have is not working. It is not doing what it is supposed to, because real HCG does not exist anymore without a doctor's prescription. The doctors who have the guts to prescribe HCG for weight loss make sure they get their money's worth, and they charge around $300 per round. Rob has suggested that I get the 'Lose It' app to keep track of what I put into my body. I am considering it. I am also considering an additional appetite suppressant.
All I know for sure is that I cannot keep torturing myself with fake HCG. It's disappointing. It's heartbreaking. It hurts.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
This is Hard
Winning isn't easy, and if it is easy, it wasn't really worth much, was it?
I had a really rough weekend emotionally. It was a lot harder than I'm used to. You know, there are ups and there are downs. This weekend was a really down down.
No cheating, but I wanted to. Food is an addiction. Today, I am 177.4. I have not lost a full pound in several days.
Kayleigh's wedding is coming up. I'm not sure how that's going to be handled yet.
Her bachelorette party is on Saturday. I volunteered to be DD so I'm not tempted to drink a bunch and blow my diet.
I had a really rough weekend emotionally. It was a lot harder than I'm used to. You know, there are ups and there are downs. This weekend was a really down down.
No cheating, but I wanted to. Food is an addiction. Today, I am 177.4. I have not lost a full pound in several days.
Kayleigh's wedding is coming up. I'm not sure how that's going to be handled yet.
Her bachelorette party is on Saturday. I volunteered to be DD so I'm not tempted to drink a bunch and blow my diet.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Losing weight
Oh yeah, I'm still losing weight- 178.
Don't have time to blog too much, but I haven't forgotten about you.
Don't have time to blog too much, but I haven't forgotten about you.
Monday, June 10, 2013
8
Day 8- 181.0
I'm good. Kinda tired from the non-stop weekend, but I'm good.
OOOOH-- Rob found this wonderful drink that I CAN HAVE. It's Fuze Slenderize. They are basically like <5% fruit druice and a bunch of viatamins and water, but they're wonderful and I have not slowed in my weight loss because of them, so I'll keep drinking them.
I'm good. Kinda tired from the non-stop weekend, but I'm good.
OOOOH-- Rob found this wonderful drink that I CAN HAVE. It's Fuze Slenderize. They are basically like <5% fruit druice and a bunch of viatamins and water, but they're wonderful and I have not slowed in my weight loss because of them, so I'll keep drinking them.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
Day 1.
This is a new phase. Except to remember that I have done this before, and therefore I can do this again, the past does not matter anymore. The fact that I lost 107 lbs is irrelevant and the fact that I gained back more than 20 of it mean nothing. I am in control of my weight.
I succeed in EVERYTHING I put my mind to. In December, I will have a degree. In the next few years, I will have straight teeth. I have a wonderful job (for anyone at my age and skill level). I have a cute car that is ages above my previous vehicles. I am ALWAYS advancing in life, and I have no intentions of stopping now. I do not give up on anything (except people sometimes- they suck). I am not finished until I have completed my goal. I will be great. My face will be in a business magazine one day.
This round is going to be hard. I know that- but I also know myself very well. If I didn't know I could handle this, I wouldn't have started. My schedule is packed, as always, but we all know that I handle myself better with a full schedule. It's a lot easier not to munch out of boredom when you don't have time to be bored.
Stepped on the scale this morning. 190lbs. What a perfect way to motivate myself to stop now. I have been slowling easing up to the top of the 180s for the past month. I'm done now. That's enough. I did NOT fight this hard to lose.
One day, in the not incredibly distant future, I may decide that I want children. When that happens, I want my body to be prepared for it. There are so many things that can go wrong with the mother is overweight. I will minimize my chances of having a complicated pregnancy (again, in the distant future) by getting to an ideal weight. On top of that- I will have cute pregnancy pictures one day. I will have children who eat right, because they never knew how to eat wrong. I will win this fight, because I don't know how to lose, and I firmly believe (with everything in life) that you absolutely cannot fail unless you give up.
So, today is Day 1. Not Day 1 of Round Whatever. Today is Day 1 of the rest of my life. I got this.
I succeed in EVERYTHING I put my mind to. In December, I will have a degree. In the next few years, I will have straight teeth. I have a wonderful job (for anyone at my age and skill level). I have a cute car that is ages above my previous vehicles. I am ALWAYS advancing in life, and I have no intentions of stopping now. I do not give up on anything (except people sometimes- they suck). I am not finished until I have completed my goal. I will be great. My face will be in a business magazine one day.
This round is going to be hard. I know that- but I also know myself very well. If I didn't know I could handle this, I wouldn't have started. My schedule is packed, as always, but we all know that I handle myself better with a full schedule. It's a lot easier not to munch out of boredom when you don't have time to be bored.
Stepped on the scale this morning. 190lbs. What a perfect way to motivate myself to stop now. I have been slowling easing up to the top of the 180s for the past month. I'm done now. That's enough. I did NOT fight this hard to lose.
One day, in the not incredibly distant future, I may decide that I want children. When that happens, I want my body to be prepared for it. There are so many things that can go wrong with the mother is overweight. I will minimize my chances of having a complicated pregnancy (again, in the distant future) by getting to an ideal weight. On top of that- I will have cute pregnancy pictures one day. I will have children who eat right, because they never knew how to eat wrong. I will win this fight, because I don't know how to lose, and I firmly believe (with everything in life) that you absolutely cannot fail unless you give up.
So, today is Day 1. Not Day 1 of Round Whatever. Today is Day 1 of the rest of my life. I got this.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Catching Up
After posting my blog on Monday, I finally used the Gazelle that's been in the closet since a yard sale from last fall. I watched Grey's Anatomy while using the Gazelle. I'm going to have to pull up some instructional YouTube videos or something though, because I didn't even break a sweat.
The Gazelle made me a little overconfident though. Next, I pulled out the yoga mat and the Yoga for Fitness video that Rob bought me for Christmas. There are 4 things that I learned from the 5 minutes of that video that I made it through.
1. There is a reason that the woman doing the yoga does not tell you how to do yoga as she's doing it. She can't breathe.
2. I probably should start with some Yoga for Beginners. I can barely do a push up, holding myself up for long periods is out of my capabilities.
3. I should stretch more.
4. It does not matter how hard I try, I cannot touch my right knee to my left elbow while holding my body up with my arms.
So, after the yoga fail, I pulled out my exercise ball and did some sit ups on it- probably around 50 or so. Enough to make it hurt.
That was Monday. Tuesday, I took Rob to work and went to the workout room for our apartment complex. I stayed on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and the stationary bike for 20 minutes. There is no better motivation for staying on an elliptical than telling yourself this: "You did this when you where 270 lbs. If you can't do it now, we have a bigger problem." If I could go back in time, I would thank my super-fat self for being such a hardass.
Last night, I tossed and turned all night. I kept having stupid work dreams (just build one more load). At one point, Rob woke up and told me to get off of him if I was going to keep rolling around and groaning so loudly. I woke up this morning, and I went right back to bed. I slept a little better, but not much. I've been at work since 11:45.
The point: Today, I was 186 again. I'm pretty proud of myself. I cannot be satisfied by that, but it feels good to know that when I try, I really can control my weight.
The Gazelle made me a little overconfident though. Next, I pulled out the yoga mat and the Yoga for Fitness video that Rob bought me for Christmas. There are 4 things that I learned from the 5 minutes of that video that I made it through.
1. There is a reason that the woman doing the yoga does not tell you how to do yoga as she's doing it. She can't breathe.
2. I probably should start with some Yoga for Beginners. I can barely do a push up, holding myself up for long periods is out of my capabilities.
3. I should stretch more.
4. It does not matter how hard I try, I cannot touch my right knee to my left elbow while holding my body up with my arms.
So, after the yoga fail, I pulled out my exercise ball and did some sit ups on it- probably around 50 or so. Enough to make it hurt.
That was Monday. Tuesday, I took Rob to work and went to the workout room for our apartment complex. I stayed on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and the stationary bike for 20 minutes. There is no better motivation for staying on an elliptical than telling yourself this: "You did this when you where 270 lbs. If you can't do it now, we have a bigger problem." If I could go back in time, I would thank my super-fat self for being such a hardass.
Last night, I tossed and turned all night. I kept having stupid work dreams (just build one more load). At one point, Rob woke up and told me to get off of him if I was going to keep rolling around and groaning so loudly. I woke up this morning, and I went right back to bed. I slept a little better, but not much. I've been at work since 11:45.
The point: Today, I was 186 again. I'm pretty proud of myself. I cannot be satisfied by that, but it feels good to know that when I try, I really can control my weight.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Now.
Yesterday I ate too much. This morning, the scale said 190. Yesterday morning, the scale said 186. A few days before that it was 184. I've been battling 185ish for a while now without putting in any effort further than occasionally eating salads. That's got to stop. I will not go backwards. I will not try to put on last year's new swimsuit and cry. I've said it before that after this year, I'm just maintaining my weight. Let's get that shit under control. Today is the last day I ever plan on seeing 190 on the scale.
Rob and I bought a Gazelle at a yard sale a while back. He has a total gym in his closet. I have no idea how to use a total gym, and I have no desire to lift weights. I'm way more into cardio. I have a tv and a Gazelle. As far as I'm concerned, I could play with those two things for hours, but we'll see.
This week, here is my plan: Get up and take Rob to work at 8. Get home and exercise from 9-11ish. Shower, pick Rob up, and go to work. (His car has a rod knocking- in case I read this later and don't understand.) Next week, school starts back up. I'll take Rob to work, then go to school. I should be home around 11. I'll work out until 12 and quickly shower then pick Rob up to take me to work. That's going to be the hard part, but it's definitely going to be worth it... except that I'm already tired... and a little hung over.... but way more pissed off at myself for eating so much yesterday.
Rob and I bought a Gazelle at a yard sale a while back. He has a total gym in his closet. I have no idea how to use a total gym, and I have no desire to lift weights. I'm way more into cardio. I have a tv and a Gazelle. As far as I'm concerned, I could play with those two things for hours, but we'll see.
This week, here is my plan: Get up and take Rob to work at 8. Get home and exercise from 9-11ish. Shower, pick Rob up, and go to work. (His car has a rod knocking- in case I read this later and don't understand.) Next week, school starts back up. I'll take Rob to work, then go to school. I should be home around 11. I'll work out until 12 and quickly shower then pick Rob up to take me to work. That's going to be the hard part, but it's definitely going to be worth it... except that I'm already tired... and a little hung over.... but way more pissed off at myself for eating so much yesterday.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
I wish I had the time
When I started this semester, I knew it would be tough. I am enrolled in 17 hours (although 2 are co-op) 6 of those hours are economics courses. 6 are all in one class, and the other 3 are in a computer programs course (ERP/SAP). I'm still working 40 hour weeks with the occasional overtime. I am exhausted. This has been horrible. 3 more weeks, then it's back to normal hell (the typical full time work/school) instead of super hell. If I can make it through this semester... well, that's the hard part. one more month. Just one more- then it's smooth sailing.
I just want to run. I get so overwhelmed sometimes, and I get very depressed. Most of the time, it's when my time of the month affects my emotions a little more than I'm prepared for. I feel like I could just run them off though. I would go running right now if I wasn't alone at work. In fact- I may do some sit-ups and stuff in a few minutes just to try to release some endorphins. I really just wish I had the time to work out or to wake up and have time to go for a run without turning my 6 hours of sleep into 5.
I'm scared to step on the scale because I've been struggling. I got up to 180, and I've been hanging out at around a couple of pounds above that. It makes me sick. I feel like Rob can tell, and that makes me miserable as well. I went to the doctor to have my thyroid tested, and she said it was fine, and that my weight issues may be from my birth control. I wish this problem was only as recent as my birth control.
I'm going to Mexico next week for work (how cool is it that I can say that... like, I'm important enough to my work for them to pay to rush me a passport and to send me to Mexico?!?!), and I'm really hoping there is a work out area in the hotel. I just know if I don't hit the gym soon, I'm going to be back up to 190, and then back to 200. I can't let that happen. The thought of it really makes me want to puke (in a nauseous way... not in a bulimia way) ... but not sick enough to eat a damn salad for dinner instead of the nacho bell grande that I ate because I thought it would make me feel better... now I feel shitty and guilty. :/
My blood pressure is fine. Always. My other numbers are fine. My doc said nothing about sugar levels or anything, so I guess, for the most part, I'm healthy... just fat. Oh--- except for this stupid downstairs problem (without going into icky detail) involving me bleeding when I'm not supposed to. Seriously--- am I old enough for a hysterectomy yet?
So, in roughly 2 weeks (when I'm back from Mexico), I'll be moving to evening shifts. 1400-2200 M-F. I am not excited about working 5 days a week, but I'm beyond excited about sleeping every night and having a regular schedule- no more trying to adjust sleep schedules halfway through the week. Hopefully, that will help with these mood swings, and this weight problem. Sleep fixes everything. I should get some.
I just want to run. I get so overwhelmed sometimes, and I get very depressed. Most of the time, it's when my time of the month affects my emotions a little more than I'm prepared for. I feel like I could just run them off though. I would go running right now if I wasn't alone at work. In fact- I may do some sit-ups and stuff in a few minutes just to try to release some endorphins. I really just wish I had the time to work out or to wake up and have time to go for a run without turning my 6 hours of sleep into 5.
I'm scared to step on the scale because I've been struggling. I got up to 180, and I've been hanging out at around a couple of pounds above that. It makes me sick. I feel like Rob can tell, and that makes me miserable as well. I went to the doctor to have my thyroid tested, and she said it was fine, and that my weight issues may be from my birth control. I wish this problem was only as recent as my birth control.
I'm going to Mexico next week for work (how cool is it that I can say that... like, I'm important enough to my work for them to pay to rush me a passport and to send me to Mexico?!?!), and I'm really hoping there is a work out area in the hotel. I just know if I don't hit the gym soon, I'm going to be back up to 190, and then back to 200. I can't let that happen. The thought of it really makes me want to puke (in a nauseous way... not in a bulimia way) ... but not sick enough to eat a damn salad for dinner instead of the nacho bell grande that I ate because I thought it would make me feel better... now I feel shitty and guilty. :/
My blood pressure is fine. Always. My other numbers are fine. My doc said nothing about sugar levels or anything, so I guess, for the most part, I'm healthy... just fat. Oh--- except for this stupid downstairs problem (without going into icky detail) involving me bleeding when I'm not supposed to. Seriously--- am I old enough for a hysterectomy yet?
So, in roughly 2 weeks (when I'm back from Mexico), I'll be moving to evening shifts. 1400-2200 M-F. I am not excited about working 5 days a week, but I'm beyond excited about sleeping every night and having a regular schedule- no more trying to adjust sleep schedules halfway through the week. Hopefully, that will help with these mood swings, and this weight problem. Sleep fixes everything. I should get some.
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